


Shut Up

by Lance_mf_mcclain



Series: Langst [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Hurt Lance (Voltron), Langst, Self-Hatred, TW:borderline suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 13:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16493264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lance_mf_mcclain/pseuds/Lance_mf_mcclain
Summary: This is stereotypical langst. the team is mean and lance doesn't think he's good enough.





	Shut Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily based on a post I saw on Pinterest. This story is also on wattpad.

I’ve been distracted all day, or really the past couple weeks. My thoughts keep drifting to the same thoughts, that Maybe, I'm holding the team back. I mean when was the last time I did something to help the team rather than getting myself into trouble and having to be helped. I’ll be better though, I'll become an asset, more like Keith. He is stronger, a better fighter, and a better pilot. I’ve been trying to train a more, but Keith is always at the training deck, and I don't want him to see how bad I am. He might finally notice I shouldn't be on the team and kick me off. That would be better if I got kicked off, I'm being selfish, wanting to stay on the team when I obviously don't belong on it. I mean- 

“ Lance! I was asking you a question, are you even paying attention. This is important we are making a plan and you need to pay attention, people could die if you mess up. do you even care?", Shiro looked mad as he spits the words out. 

I flinched but quickly smiled, “ Sorry Shiro, got distracted thinking about whether there will be space babes at the celebration, they will no doubt throw in my honor when we kick the galras butts”.

The team glared at me, “This is no time for jokes Lance, pay attention” Allura stated rolling her eyes. 

“ Of course that's what he's thinking about” Keith jabbed, the team laughed. Well, that stung, but why would they think any different.

“ If we go in from the west and through the hanger door we can get in undetected. Then Pidge and Hunk could go to the Control Station while Keith and I head to the holding cells. Lance, you’ll be staying to keep our exit clear.” Shiro stated with all the authority that his position as leader granted.

West hanger that's an ok plan, but if we went in through the docking bay couple blocks up we’d be closer to the cells and the control center. Plus we’d be in a place that has less chance of us being discovered. I started to bring the idea up when Shiro snapped at me. 

“ Lance This is no time for a joke can't you act serious for one second”, I was taken back, “ I was just-”, “ Just Shut up Lance” Keith interrupted before I could explain, Allura and Pidge were glaring, Allura shaking her head in disapproval. I decided to just do as they said and shut up, I was probably wrong anyway otherwise they would be doing my plan anyway right.

The mission was going perfectly until six drones came around the corner discovering me and the red and green lions. I immediately acted shooting two of the drones right in the middle of their heads. I quickly turned my comms on warning the team that I was engaging several drones while aiming for the next drone taking it out. Quickly turning on the next two. A shot through their chests. The last drone sets off the alarm as the drone before it hits the ground. The mission is going downhill fast. Pidge comes running around the corner; a blast hits her from behind. I rush forward to catch her as she falls. Trying to lay covering fire with one hand and support Pidge with the other. As we get to Green, A searing pain explodes across my shoulder. Pidge is barely conscious, curled against my chest. Green flies us back to the castle. As I headed the med-bay, carrying Pidge to a pod as quickly as I could, guilt sat heavy in my chest. 

Everyone was completely silent not even glancing at me as they waited for pidge to come out. Pidge had been able to get the information and the prisoners that they had come for so technically a successful mission. Finally, the pod opens with a woosh. She comes falling out and into Hunks arms. I open my mouth to apologize to Pidge and to ask if she was ok, but Keith whirled around, 

“ Just shut up! This is your fault, you had one job, and you couldn't even do that, the mission was almost blown because of you, can't you just be useful for once”. 

My eyes burn and my chest feels but I can’t let them see how much Keith's words hurt. As I look around at everyone, no one says anything, they all look so disappointed. Pidge probably hates me, she almost died because of me. I can’t even look at her. I give a small smile. 

“ It won't happen again, I'm sorry,” 

I spin on my heels and calmly walk out of the room. As soon as the door is shut my steps come quicker and quicker, holding back tears. Not yet, I can't cry yet, just a little further. Ducking into the nearest a room locking the door behind me. It was rather empty a big window with a couch facing it. Slumping down onto the couch, and sucking in a deep breath; In and out. My knees tucked up to my chest slowly become splattered with tears. The dam finally breaking a sob rips from my chest. I can’t breathe. It's my fault, they despise me. Why wouldn't they; I'm a screw-up. Useless. I’m not smart like Hunk or Pidge. I’m not strong like Shiro or Keith, I can’t fight like them or fly like them. Allura can fly the castle, Coran keeps the castle running. What do I contribute, put everyone in danger? They'd be better off without me, even glad I’m gone. They hate me, why did I ever think I could be one of them. I'm completely useless, just a flirt, a joke. They hate me, I can understand it, I hate myself too, probably even more than they do. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks as I drift off.

My eyelids feel puffy and grimy when I wake. Checking the time, it looks like I’ve been asleep for a half hour. A glance around the room reveals cupboards on one wall and shelves on another. The shelves are filled with books. It looks like there in altean and some other languages, maybe galra and a couple in what looked like the language written in the caves of the balmera. Maybe I could translate them. It’s getting late and everyone is probably asleep. I creep out of the room, and head to the training deck. I’ve been coming here every night to train for a couple of hours. Once my muscles are burning, my eyelids are drooping, and I’ve made it to level nine I feel I've done as much as I can. Dragging myself back to my room, I shower and decide to check my tablet to see if there is a translating program. After finding there is and playing around with it for a couple hours. I power the tablet down and turn over facing the wall, hoping to get at least a couple hours of sleep.

Another day of waking up late. Throwing on my armor and combing my fingers through my hair. I jog through the halls and quietly slip into the control room. They’ve started the meeting already and are going over the plan for today mission.

“ glad to see you could join us, Lance, don't be late again” Allura stated coldly.

I nod, sitting down off to the side. I notice another flaw in the plan but I would rather not have a repeat of yesterday, so its best I keep quiet. As Shiro gave out each person's role he finally turns to me, 

“you'll stay in the lion for this mission pick us up when we're done,” he states coldly. 

“ yeah but I could”, Shiro shuts him down glaring, “ No lance, I don't want to hear it, you need to take this seriously, we are in a war.” 

The mission went south again, I run out to lay cover fire as the team climbs into the lion. A tidal wave of agonizing pain crashes into me, originating from my side, I’ve got to suck it up. I take a deep breath and with a grimace, I quickly follow Shiro into the lion. As the lion's maw clamps shut behind us the lion takes off; headed back to the castle. 

“ I told you to stay in the lion” Shiro scolds then turns to the others.

“ Nice job guys we got the intel. Keith, you did a great job of taking out the sentries, don't beat yourself up for not getting the last one before it could set off the alarm” 

Tension drains from his shoulder, “ Thanks Shiro but I wouldn't have been able to if Pidge hadn't of given a heads up" he looks up and smiles at Pidge. 

I feel the blood drain from my face. I did the same thing last mission and had gotten scolded so, why was Keith getting praised. It's because he did better, it's because he is better than you. He protected the team, he did well, you didn’t. That's why. Cruel words echoing off the inside of my skull. Hunk spoke next laughing,

“ It was awesome you took out those two guards and the shock on the thirds face was so funny, you scared him half to death, he ran away tail between his legs”. They all laugh. I feel myself laugh along with them.

They walk into the hall heading towards the showers to clean off before the debriefed. Before the team is able to make it into the room. My vision tunnels and my legs give out, blood loss getting to me. 

“Oh my god! Are you ok, what happened?” the paladins exclaim. 

“your hurt!” Allura exclaimed. 

I look up at them in shock, why do they even care? I scramble to my feet, straightening up. I run my hand through my hair and out of my eyes, smearing blood in my hair in the process. Tears start to well up in my eyes, clouding my vision. There's a steady sound of blood dripping to the floor. With the taste of crimson in flooding my mouth, laughter bubbles up and bursts out. The Paladins look at me, there eyes wide, looking at me like I’m crazy. Hell maybe blood loss had made me delirious, I mean I can barely stand. The coldness in the laugh though that's what keeps them from stepping closer. As tears stream down my face, I just keep cackling. I’m not delirious though, I’ve never been more clear-headed before and I just can't take it anymore. The laughter is gets caught in my throat, the smile falling from my face. With the last of my strength, I muster out a hoarse whisper.

“ So now I matter?”

**Author's Note:**

> Dis my Tumblr I just started where I'll post my stuffs.  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lance-mf-mcclain


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